Pains of an Angel's heart
by carlmuz
Summary: Konan had always loved Yahiko, and ever since his death, she cotinued living carrying a heavy burden and guilt. Once in a while, she just had to let out the pain she carried within her heart, right?


Hello, everyone! I get the inspiration fo writing this story after watching Naruto Shipuuden, Nagato's Past. I can't remember which episode, though. It was a really heartbreaking scene, I cried like a baby while watching the scene, and I cried some more while writing this story. (It's true, I did not lie. I know it was a bit overreacting, but still I think it's the emotions that really inspired me:D)

It amazed me that Konan was able to hear about Yahiko's death without shedding a tear, since she was in love with him and he gave his life to save hers. She seemed sad about it, it must really hard for her to hold back her sadness. She is really strong!

I imagined myself to be in Konan's shoes throughout this entire story, so it turned out to be all mixed up, because in my opinion that was how Konan would really feel, torn apart and confused between the past and present. But still, I do hope all of you will enjoy this story, and perhaps understand why Konan is easily one of the strongest character in Naruto universe.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

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"I need some fresh air," Konan stood from the armchair she was sitting on and threw a look at the Deva Path sitting across from her. The blue-haired kunoichi then turned at Nagato and narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't overstrain yourself," she warned and left the room, walking down the long hallway.

As soon as she was sure that she was out of her team mate's sight, Konan leaned against the wall, trying to regain her composure. It was useless; the facade wall she tried to put up in front of him was threatening to crumble.

Konan could not hold back herself anymore seeing _him _sitting in front of her, very much alive and breathing when he died in front of her to save her life! The tears she had been holding back since he started revising his plan to her about their next move began to fall freely down her cheeks.

Every time Nagato used him as his own body, Konan felt as if she was stabbed right in the heart. Every time he spoke in Yahiko's voice, Konan began to remember her own weakness that ultimately led to his death. Every time Nagato used Yahiko's body to act, to fight, to protect her, Konan wanted nothing more than to kill herself right at the spot.

It pained her greatly to see his face, the face that she had grew to adore in her adolescent years. It pained her to look into his face and have Nagato's Rinnegan eyes looking back at her instead.

She never told him, as she did not have the heart to tell him so, but every time she saw Nagato as the Deva Path, she was heartbroken. And again, and again, and again her heart was crushed and smashed to pieces every time she looked at him.

Konan could not explain just how bitter it felt to have Yahiko that she had grew to love throughout the years so near...so close to her.. Yet no matter how hard she tried, she can't touch him. She can't have him. She can't be his angel. She was...alone.

Slowly, Konan slid down the wall and pulled her knees close to her chest. Her tears seemed to be falling faster, that her vision was blurry. At least for once, Konan wanted to be able to look into his warm, bright brown eyes instead of the cold-looking Rinnegan.

It took her a sheer amount of willpower to be able to face both the Deva Path and Nagato at the same time without breaking down. Konan hated to admit it, but seeing them was like seeing her own mistake, her weakness, and her flaws.

She hated to admit it, but every single moment and every breath that she lived by she was forced to look at the death of the two people she held dear to her already shattered heart.

_Flashback_

_It was raining heavily as Hanzo stood, waiting for Yahiko and Nagato's arrival. Konan felt herself grow weaker when he pulled her by arm, showing her to her two friends. "You organization had been a nuisance to me," he spoke, shaking her in the process. _

"_Yahiko,"Hanzo called out, raising the kunai he had been holding in his hand .His grip on her hand became tighter also. "You are the leader so you must die!" Konan yelped helplessly as Hanzo pulled her forward and put the kunai on her throat. Yahiko and Nagato looked alarmed by Hanzo's actions._

_He purposely grazed the sharp blade of the kunai, against her skin drawing a thin line of blood. "If you resist, then this woman shall die!" she winced again when Hanzo shook her again, ignoring the pain she was having on her arm and her neck._

_Then, all of a sudden the leader of Amegakure threw the kunai that was still tainted by her blood to the ground in front of Nagato. "You, the red-haired one! Use that to kill Yahiko,and I'll spare you and the woman," Hanzo coldly ordered, undeterred by Konan's struggling to break free of his grip._

"_Don't Nagato! Don't mind me! You two go and save yourselves!" Konan shouted before Nagato and Yahiko could react, violently trashing about in Hanzo's grip. 'Please don't waste your life on me! The world needs you, Nagato, Yahiko!' she whispered sadly, cursing her for letting herself captured by Hanzo's men._

"_Nagato, kill me," Yahiko already made his decision, making Konan struggled even more violently 'No, please don't,' she thought as she trashed about, only to be met with Hanzo jerked her arm with enough force to break it. Nagato, who was seeing the pain written on her face, began to hyperventilate, torn between his two friends._

_Konan knew she had to make the two of them realized that she wanted them to leave, and she was willing to give up her life this time for the two of them. "Nagato!" Yahiko snarled, clearly commanding his friend to kill him. "No! You two just go!" she screamed, hoping that they would just leave her there._

_Nagato, with his mind still clouded shakily took the kunai and looked at it. There was still trace of her blood on one side of the blade. "Konan," he said quietly, carrying great pain within his voice. "Yahi-" he never get to finish, as in a flash their orange-haired leader had impaled his body through the blade in an attempt to save both their lives._

"_Yahiko!"._

Every time her eyes fixed on Pain's Deva Path, she began seeing flashback of Yahiko driving himself into the kunai in Nagato's hand in exchange for her pathetic life. And it kept replaying in her mind, over and over again, there was no end to it. Konan just could not forgive herself for getting caught By Hanzo that day, and ultimately bringing an abrupt stop to Yahiko and Nagato's dream to create peace within the ninja world.

Because of her, Yahiko was dead. And because of her also, Nagato was caught by the exploding tags Hanzo planted as a trap. He saved her at the expense of his legs rendering him crippled and had to depend on life support machine while trying to fulfill Yahiko's greatest wish. It pained her to no end that she can't do anything to go back in time.

Perhaps she should be more careful. Perhaps she should have committed suicide before Yahiko drove himself against that kunai that day. And maybe perhaps she wouldn't be tortured as much as she was now.

Her silent tears had turned into uncontrollable sobs by now, letting out all the burden and guilt she had to hold back in his presence. No matter how strong of a shinobi she had forced herself to become since that day, she was still the same heartbroken, wounded teenage girl she was the day that Yahiko died and Nagato used the Forbidden Jutsu that had taken its toll on his body.

It was unbearable enough for her to continue living with heavy burden of guilt over Yahiko's death and Nagato's pain that fateful day. But having to see Yahiko's dead body came back to alive, and walking around, talking about plans of finding peace...it was eating her inside bit by bit.

Nagato thought they would have sense of togetherness if he was to use Yahiko's body as his primary one, so that the three of them could be together again but Konan wished nothing more for him to stop acting as if Yahiko was alive, because it reminded her of the feelings she had harbored for him. But it was different this time, because he can't return her feelings, he was a mere puppet.

Nagato stated that he did it for her, so that she would not be too sad over his death, so that she would not miss Yahiko but in reality it taunted her by the display of Nagato's own suffering and Yahiko's untimely death.

Konan quickly wiped her tears away when she heard footsteps in the hallway. "Konan, what are you doing here?" she lifted her face slowly, putting up her usual emotionless face. Hastily she got up from the cold, hard floor and fixed her hair. Pain stood there, looking at her with those powerful eyes of his.

"Nothing," she said and turned away from him. But he quickly pulled her by her wrist, swerving her in the process. "Do you intend to lie to me about the fact that you have been crying?" Konan bowed her face down, unable to look at his face. He tenderly tilted her face to meet his, before slowly enveloped her into a hug.

His warmth quickly melt the icy stone heart she was trying so hard to defend, and within seconds he found herself sobbing hysterically into his chest, her hands clutching the fabric of his cloak. Pain for once did not reprimand her for letting herself being controlled by emotions. He gently rubbed her back while his other hand pushed her head closer to his chest and patted gently.

Konan had decided, that would be the last time. She would not cry any more after this, as tears was a sign of weakness. Her job was to stop the tears of the people of Amegakure, as Pain's Angel. She was not Yahiko's Angel, not Nagato's Angel, but she was Pain's Angel. Her duty was to be by his side, helping him with all she could regardless of whose body he was in.

If Pain is the bridge that would lead to peace, then she would be the pillar that supported it. Yahiko's dream would be her dream also, and she had not time to continue living in her dream of being with Yahiko once again. He had entrusted his life to her and Nagato to continue living, and that would be exactly what she would do.

When he broke their hug and cupped her face, wiping away leftover tears with her thumb, Konan bore her amber eyes into his Rinnegan, choking back another sob. "Pain, let's bring peace to the world," she said firmly, her hands balled up into a fist. He stared her down for a few moments before nodding once. "As long as I have you as my Angel," he replied quietly, and leaned down to kiss her in the forehead.

Konan closed her eyes. "Goodbye, Yahiko,".

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How is it? Please leave me a review and let me know! I would really appreciate it, thank you for reading, everyone. Have a nice day!:D


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